“She tried to fancy what the flame of a candle is like after the candle is blown out, for she could not remember ever having seen such a thing.” ― Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass 

NEGATIVE OUTCOMES

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updated Sep1 2015

For myself and other widows and children of an Atomic Vet...

In her lifetime, it is clear my mother was informed to some minor degree of the number or extent of The Chief's exposures nor the protracted nature of the exposures.  SHe was informed and advised not to have any more children.  They failed to follow that directive. However, we were, and are acutely aware he died as a result of his exposures and I have been being adversely  impacted since I was 11 years old. 
  • She and I becoming caretakers while watching him suffer, whither and die at early age.
  • They watched as I went through years of bewildering and unexplainable reproductive propblems
  • They watched me be rendered incapable to reproduce due to a full-hysterectomy at 23.
    Everyone was noticeably relieved that my ability to procreate had been stopped effectively.
  • They died knowing I had more genetic issues to face because of his exposure. 
  • Dealing with mounting medical expenses and disabilities that deplete financial resources
  • This requires the addition of "wage earner" responsibilities to my mothers struggles as a caretaker.
  • The feelings of guilt and anger increases as families attempt to survive decreased income and increasing indebtedness.
  • Knowing that part of the VA's medical treatments included additional experimentation, definitely prompted by attempts to find or develop effective treatments for radiation illnesses.
  • I watched in confusion as parents angrily battle a puzzling, unseen and unyielding adversary,
  • (VA?)...(our government?)...(classified records?)... (radiation exposure?). We watched and participated with him and Oak Knoll Naval Medical as he helplessly struggles with fears, pain and disabilities abd death as a result of the brain lesion.
  • Children withdrawing from family-life as a sense of overwhelming confusion and fear become an everday part of their lives.  
  • In my case, as mature sons and daughters, we discovered that the TRUTH, (in our 50's and 60's) the extent of the radiologic medical problems effecting my parents, my brother and myself from his radiation exposure.
  • Being thwarted in attempts to gain access to information which could provide answers, explanations and assurances, and yes!!... COMPENSATION. Attempts that produce only frustration, denials, corrupted or destroyed records, more secrecy and disinterest. 
  • Families wonder what kind of legacy have they and their children been handed as a result of the US Nuclear Test experience and radiation exposure. Families find that the Veteran's service years linger to haunt him and his family in painful and frightening ways.